Novocaine

I feel like I have been on novocaine for the past 40 hours. I know inside I am dying and any moment now my entire life could change, but I feel like I have cried so much that I am numb to the pain. If there was a limit to the amount of tears you could shed in a week than I spent mine in a matter of two days, and now I just don't even know what to do with myself. It is not that I feel strong and empowered, but only a very little part of me does, but I think I have honestly just ran out of tears to shed. I am unsure of when the restock will happen, but I wouldn't be upset if it took awhile, because I know once it comes I will be out of stock again very soon. 

The only good parts of this is that I am reminded that I am real, my thoughts, my feelings, they are all real and are valid. Although I was a contributor to pushing them away and making myself feel like these feelings were made up, now I know that each and everyone of them is real; something that I thought was never true. However, the scariest part of this is that it cannot stay in my head; it is very much alive right in front of me. It is not something that I can ignore, and let eat me from the inside out. It is not something that I can just deal with on my own without effecting those around me. This is the quite opposite, and that is why I have no idea what to do. That is why I am just going numb. 

From THAT  girl,

- T

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