Regret is a feeling that I often try not to associate with, but in the last week it has sat in the pit of my stomach, the middle of my throat, and in the rim of my eyes. Never in my life have I regretted anything more, and there is no one to blame except myself. Right when I thought I was doing well, had a bright future ahead, and was so proud of the person I was becoming I managed to flush all of that down the drain. Who would ever think that the black girl with grey braids that people always say is so "put together," so "confident," so "independent," so "strong," could be the most naive, selfish, and foolish one out of us all?

I know I am not alone. I know I have a ton of people behind me, but that is not who I want or need. But how can I blame them for wanting to leave? There is nothing I would not do to take my actions back. There is nothing I would not do to be able to tell myself that everything I thought I was is wrong; that I have no experience with demons, and that my younger self was right, I never had it bad, in fact I was blessed, but ungrateful. I gave it all up, and there is not a part of me I would not give to take things back.

I fucked up, and if I could I would give up my last breathe to take it back. This is not the life I want to be living, but more importantly, not the life I want them to live. I conclude this as one of my last posts signed with "that girl," because in reality "that girl" would never have done this, and I was never actually her. Just somehow I managed to fake it so well that I got myself and everyone around me to believe it. This is not something I can do any longer. This is my love, and what makes me happiest, but I just took that away from the people who mean the most to me, so why should I be allowed to still have it?

From,

- Trinity