Refuse to Surrender

September 9th, 2001, aka 9/11, may qualify as one of the most horrific days in American history. However, as of this morning people are starting to say that November 9th, 2016 maybe added to the terrifying list. 9/11 left a lot of citizens in terror from people outside our country. As security was increased a ton, so was stereotypes and prejudices against foreign visitors. However, what will our country do now when on 11/09 the person and people that we are scared of is our own POTUS and our fellow countrymen?

Today I protested going to school. It was not a protest against Tabor itself, but rather me saying that I refuse to pretend like everything is okay when my country just accepted the beginning of taking back several groups' basic human rights. One of the biggest gifts Tabor has given me is my pride in not only being black and a girl, but being a black girl. Today I woke up and felt like all that pride was stripped from me. For the first time in my life I prayed to God to make me a white male. I laid sobbing in my bed for two hours asking why I had to fight this fight, why me, why did I have to be born into a body that is one of many targets for my own country. I prayed that not only I would be okay, but the Muslims, the people of color, the females, and the LGBTQ+ community in my life and this country will be okay. 

The problem is not just Donald Trump himself, but much bigger than that; the problem is that in 2016 one man can exemplify sexism, racism, homophobia, and xenophobia and be supported enough to become POTUS. The problem is that these ways of thinking were just accepted not by everyone, but the majority. For those who believe people who are protesting today are just poor losers, please acknowledge hate and fear are different. My tears along with many others within seconds of waking up this morning were not out of hate, but fear for the people I love and myself. I woke up today feeling more unsafe than ever in my life. 

I am trying to be THAT girl about this, but it is so hard. I fear of people I love being taken from me. I fear people I care about being made to feel like they cannot be themselves anymore. I fear that all the courage I have built up to face my abuser has just been drained from my body and overshadowed. I fear that all the dedication I have put into making a more loving and accepting community has been back tracked tremendously. I simply fear how I will be treated from today on, and that justice will become a word of the past. 

All I can say at this point is God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers. Yes, it feels so unfair and like we are being crushed under this weight to fight a fight we were thrown into from birth, because of who we are, but that is how it is. It is okay to cry, to feel defeated, to take some time just to yourself. You need to; we all need to acknowledge the wounds that were just inflicted on us, but do not let the fear, anger, rage, or any negative emotions separate us now, because we need one another more than ever. And by that I do not mean Muslims need to stick with Muslims, and Mexicans with Mexicans, and women with women, etc. I mean we all must stick together. If not, we let them win. I know it hurts. I know it's unfair. I know it is ludicrous that in 2016 we feel like we are being set back years, but that is what has been put in front of us. Now it is up to us to surrender or fight the fight, and I don't know about you, but I refuse to surrender. 

From THAT girl who refuses to surrender,

- T

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